Dolls and stuffed bears that have computerized chips programmed to really love you are all the rage. I predict, however, that soon the product advertised in this next commercial will replace it: The Teddy “I Hate You” Bear. This bear is the first digitalized stuffed animal programmed to actually hate a child, and boy does it hate.

I’m going to teach you a lesson that you need to know sooner or later, and your parents will probably rather not let you hear: you need an enemy. It helps relieve stress. And what better enemy than a silly harmless teddy bear?

It really is cute: flaming red eyes, that light up when they recognize your face, and a hissing voice that says, “I hate you,” and seems to mean it, too! Doesn’t it just sound absolutely wonderful?