Commercial Breaks
This book proves groundbreaking on many levels; I do believe it is the first of its kind to offer its dear readers a commercial break. Now I suppose you may be saying to yourself, ‘Is this guy kidding or what? Commercials? In a Book?’ Well I’m quite serious about the whole thing, and why shouldn’t I be? You get commercials when you see a movie or watch TV—why shouldn’t you get a commercial when you read a book?

There are of course other reasons for my decision to include these breaks. I could give a safe answer, which you will not understand, and just say something like this: readers of this generation have minds that are saturated with materialism—so much so that paid product placement and advertising in books are just the next evolution of literature.

I think you deserve an honest answer as to why I’m putting commercials in this book, so I’m going to give it: money. Yes, I know I have been paid quite well to tell this story, but it was made known to me that I could actually make even more money by placing commercials throughout the story. Do you know how much companies are willing to pay to have their products advertised in a book? No? Lots. Lots and lots of money. And all I have to do is write a little summary of their product. They don’t even say I have to like the stuff—just write about it (coincidently I am using a Toshiba laptop to write this explanation, and in doing so Toshiba has agreed to pay me a hansom sum of money).

Chapter Three
As I said, there have been other non-librarian people who have stumbled across the tree in the past. There’s actually been quite a few. Here’s just a few of the ones I’ve encountered.

On my second day as a librarian, a teenager, who I will name, for no apparent reason, Steve, snuck in the back of the library because his friends bet him that he was too chicken to do it. He saw the tree, and walked closer to try and touch it. It was at this point that Ralph whacked him on top of the head with an oversized dictionary, and dragged his unconscious body into my office.
The first thing he saw when he became conscious again was an artificial Christmas tree (we had hid the library tree in the break room), and then me. I explained that a book had feel on his head and knocked him unconscious. He asked were the tree growing books was, and I told him the artificial Christmas tree was the only tree we had. It was easy to convince him that he had not seen the tree because he wasn’t very bright.

Another patron, I’ll name her Susan, caught a glimpse of the tree in the same fashion as Jake—she saw it when the doors opened to the back of the library. She was so excited to see the wondrous tree that she had not heard the people behind her scream “Watch out for that tiger.” It turned out not to be her day, and the tiger (which had escaped from the zoo) ate her right up. It was horrible, but it sure made a funny story to tell around the table at Thanksgiving.
Most of the other stories involve patrons who thought they saw the tree, but quickly reasoned that they had really just imagined they saw the tree. It’s pretty hard for a person to admit that they actually saw it, because if you say you believe that books grow on trees—well let’s just say people would think you’re a bit crazy if you say you believe books grow on trees. I hope, if nothing else, this book dispels the notion that people who believe in library trees are crazy, because it’s a perfectly sane thing to believe.

Chapter Seven
You’ll recall that I said something happened in this chapter to make up for all the time it took me to get up to the distribution center. If you’re reading this, then you must be interested about the whole thing, so here you go:

Jake and Gatsby happened not to be along in the cafeteria. In fact it was lunch, which meant that the entire community of three-eyes had turned up for a peanut butter sandwich and a good look at Jake.

Jake was nervous at first, and with good reason, but the three-eyes proved to be not only friendly, but courteous. Nearly all of them came to introduce themselves to Jake, and each of them offered him a joke. It’s a good thing you’re reading this, because I’m going to tell you something that you didn’t know about the three-eyes from reading the story—they’re funny. Very funny. Most people don’t recognize they’re keen with because they’re too busy staring at the third eye, but Jake was different. He laughed at all the jokes.

After an hour the three-eyes had to return to their jobs, and this left Gatsby time to listen to Jake tell him all about his sad story, which is of course too sad to repeat here—I’ve already said it once in the story, and once is enough for the entire book if you ask me.

Chapter Fourteen
Well you asked for some sad sap, so here it comes:

Gatsby called all of the three-eyes from their jobs to meet him at my car and see young Jake off. They all stood tall and proud, keeping their third-eye sharply on Jake. Gatsby opened Jake’s door and explained with a tear in his third-eye, “I want you to know that this isn’t goodbye. Today was one giant hello—a welcoming to a world that few people know. There will be plenty more visits like it.”

Jake sadly nodded.

Next Gatsby turned to me. “Take care of the boy. We keep very special watch on our best fans, and if anything happens to him, and your accountable in the least bit for it—you’ll be sorry.”

I nodded. “Yeah, yeah—Jake get in the car and shut the door. I want to get out of here.”

Like I said before, I don’t like sappiness, so I pulled away from my spot and left the distribution center quickly. I knew the further away we got, the easier it would be to forget the whole day.
In all the commotion I had nearly forgot about Ralph, but as it turned out he was already in the car with his seatbelt fashioned, and holding the library tree tightly. He had been since his small fight with the other Ralph. His newly founded ninja woe was also at the farewell. He watched Ralph with a threatening evil eye from a distance.

Chapter Fifteen
So you want to know whatever happened to Jake? Fine: It’s been two years since Jake first saw the library tree. He’s been quite busy since than he of course came to live with me. He still visits the three-eye people often. He tries to see them once a week, but sometimes it’s only once a month.

He still is constantly reading. Last year he conquered a world record by memorizing word for word three complete novels in one day. He also has other hobbies now; he started his own online bookstore where he sales books that came from his library tree. It’s not quite as profitable as the three-eyed peoples business, but he’s made enough money to pay for college.

And he has friends! I never thought I see the day when Jake, the library nerd, had friends—but he does! I’m so proud of him. It turns out that the tree that Gatsby gave him was a non-fiction tree that grows mostly inspirational stories. He’s read all kinds about how to make friends, and they seem to be working! Go figure, a book can make a differences.

He says he wants to be a librarian, but I doubt that. On an more important note, his voice is finally changing and he’s beginning to sound like a real boy, and not a girly one.

As for Ralph…Ralph’s Ralph. Not long after his trip to the distribution center he nearly broke his neck after he tripped over one of his feet while hobbling on his one leg to a Skittle. For an entire month, he rambled on nonsense facts about Skittle related deaths—I had no idea there were so many.

Ever sense I agreed to write this story, Ralph has been even busier guarding the tree. Now that people know about it, they want to see it, and Ralph has been incredibly stressed about this. He’s said he plans to retire and return to Siberia, but I doubt he’ll ever do this, because, as I’ve pointed out several times, Skittles aren’t so easy to come by where the colony of ninja’s live.